I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
