HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
