remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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