if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
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i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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