God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm always down for nudity.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
