I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
