I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
