Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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