summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
