Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no, he came in my armpit
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
