every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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