if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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