remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
