ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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