i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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