Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My feet surprised me
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