Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
