I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
