How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
