What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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