Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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