Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
