So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
