He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
