Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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