he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
two words...techno handjob
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
