I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
