i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
