I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
