It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
