quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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