I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
