good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
