I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
