Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
