This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
