I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
