i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
