I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
