i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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