I'm going to jail i love you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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