dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
