Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
