so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
