My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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