What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
