I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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