To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
