One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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