Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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