My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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