I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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