i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
