A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my sisters under your porch take her home
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
