the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
