I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
