I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
