you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
