totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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