That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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