she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
