i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
