Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm bleeding and have questions
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
