if i can run in heels then i can drive
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
