I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
