If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
