im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
