Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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