If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
