can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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