Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
