She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
