why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
