I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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