I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Two words: nipple clamps
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