Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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