he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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