He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
