So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
